I make mistakes. Every. Single. Day.

As a parent. As a wife. As a friend. As a business owner. As a human.

And honestly? I can be really hard on myself about it. I tend to beat myself up, replaying moments over and over. I should have known better. I should have done better. The weight of it can feel overwhelming.

If you’re highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or have endured trauma in your past, you probably know this feeling too. The guilt. The shame. The self-contempt. Many of us have spent a lifetime being told we are too much. Too loud. Too messy. Too talkative. Too emotional. Too negative. Too hyper. Too argumentative. So, we overcompensate. We chase perfection. We become overachievers. And when we inevitably fall short? The self-blame is relentless.

Last night was hard for me as a parent. I made mistakes I regretted. I knew better, but in the moment, I didn’t do better. And afterward? I felt awful. The negative thoughts came flooding in.

I made my repairs. I reconnected. But I still sat in that shame spiral. So, I did something different. I reached out to my circle of friends and colleagues who get it.. They reminded me that I am allowed to make mistakes. That I am human.That I need to give myself the grace I so easily offer others.

Then I opened my laptop, and this quote by Zara Bas was staring back at me. And it was exactly what I needed to read:

It was a reminder that I am not alone in this struggle, and that self-compassion is a skill we can cultivate, just like patience and resilience.

How Parents Can Start a Self-Compassion Practice

Self-compassion isn’t something that happens overnight, but small steps can lead to meaningful change. Here are some ways to start:

1. Notice your inner critic. Pay attention to the thoughts that arise when you make a mistake. Awareness is the first step to shifting your mindset.

2. Practice self-talk that you would use with a friend. If your child or best friend made a mistake, what would you say to them? Say those same words to yourself.

3. Make repairs and move on. Apologizing and reconnecting with our kids after tough moments is powerful. Once you do this, allow yourself to release the guilt.

4. Develop a grounding practice. Deep breathing, saying a short mantra like--"I am allowed to make mistakes and I forgive myself," or simply placing a hand over your heart can help regulate emotions and remind you to be kind to yourself.

5. Surround yourself with people who get it. Seek out community—whether it’s friends, fellow parents, parent coached, or support groups, like The 3D Parent Village—who encourage self-compassion and validate your experiences.

Reframe Self-Attack Thoughts with Self-Compassion Thoughts

Let’s take this to heart. Let’s model self-compassion so our kids don’t grow up trapped in the same patterns of shame and self-judgment. If we want them to believe mistakes don’t define their worth, we have to believe that about ourselves too. 

(Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash)